You don’t get what you want but you get what you think you deserve.

Recently whilst speaking to so many people, with some of you guys, plus my friends and family. I have noticed, everyone is so focused on what they want. Almost, to a point of desperation, begging the universe or God for their desires. Too many people are so focused on manifesting their dream relationship, job, house, salary, etc… all the work and techniques are done to acquire a desire but what people fail to do is, work on themselves.

If I had a pound for every time someone said to me, do I have to work on my self-love and self-concept to manifest, I would literally be a billionaire. People see manifesting as a means to an end to get a desire but fail to realise it is much more than that. It’s actually a way of life.

The truth is we don’t get what we want but what we think we deserve and are worthy of. Please read that again, as many times as you need for it to really sink in. If manifesting was all about getting what you want, wouldn’t we all have all our desires by now.

Therefore, the answer to do you have to work on your self-love to manifest is: No, if you already have strong self-love and think you’re amazing and deserve nothing but the best, you always get what you want and you approach manifesting with this attitude.  Then no you don’t need to work on your self-love because your foundation and belief system is already very strong.

However, if you have been struggling in life, be it with a relationship, profession, finances or generally progressing in life. Then ask yourself why, what makes you different from other people who already have what you want? The answer will normally be some underlying beliefs, that you’re not worthy, you’re not good enough or these kinds of miracles don’t happen for people like you. Then yes, you do need to work on your self-love and self-concept because until you are able to believe you’re worthy and deserve to have all the amazing things you desire, you’re unlikely to attract them into your life. Even, if you do end up manifesting them into your life, because we do live in a focus-based universe. However, if you don’t address the underlying self-concept issues, you’ll struggle to keep hold of your desires and fall back into the old ways of thinking, or the insecurities will slowly start to return and you’ll end up in a loop of getting and losing your desire, or repeatedly manifesting the same situations over and over again.

In the book The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz, there is a perfect example of self-love.

If you were living in a restaurant where you always had access to plenty of food and someone came to your door and offered you a pizza, but said in return you had to let them abuse you for the rest of your life, you’d probably laugh at them. But if you were homeless and hadn’t eaten for days and someone made the same offer, you’d be more likely to consider it. We settle in life for what we feel we are worth; we will never allow anyone to abuse us more than we abuse ourselves.

The way we see ourselves or treat ourselves, will impact how other people see and treat us, because over 90% of our communication is done through body language. Even if we tell people how we want to be treated, we are actually showing people how to treat us by how we treat ourselves and by our actions.

An area I’d like to discuss further here is self-sabotage. Firstly, what does self-sabotage mean:

Self-sabotage occurs when we destroy ourselves physically, mentally, or emotionally or deliberately hinder our own success and wellbeing by undermining personal goals and values. 

Basically, that is exactly what your negative thoughts and old habitual thinking is doing to all your dreams and desires. They remind you, you’re not good enough or worthy enough to obtain your desires. These thoughts are what is holding you back by building that doubt and fear in your mind, preventing you from going after what you really want. These thoughts are what stops people from dreaming big because they think the desire is unobtainable therefore, they self-sabotage themselves with their own limiting beliefs before they’ve even taken the first step towards their dreams and desires.

This is what self-sabotage sounds like:

  • My SP is so perfect will I ever be good enough for them
  • I love my SP, but I know they’ll find someone better than me
  • What if my SP doesn’t love me as much as I love them
  • I really want this dream job, but I am underqualified
  • I really want to work for this company but it’s so competitive I will never get in
  • I really want to buy this, but I can’t afford it.

Can you see how the thoughts of can’t, won’t, shouldn’t, what if’s etc… stop you from having your dream life. However, this is easy to fix once you identify the limiting beliefs and start working on your self-concept. Once you start working on the self-love and focusing on becoming truly the best version of you. These thoughts with a little repetition can be flipped into:

  • My SP is so perfect, and I am the perfect match for them
  • I love my SP and they love me they’ll never find anyone better
  • We love each other so much, we only have eyes for each other, we’re the perfect couple
  • I know I can get my dream job because I am the perfect candidate for the role
  • The company I want to work for wants me because I am the perfect match
  • I am always surrounded by wealth and money; I can buy whatever I want.

Once you start working on your self-love and commanding your desires with confidence, instead of desperately begging for them. You will find that the desires you want whether it is SP, money, cars, jobs… will automatically appear in your life with little effort required from you.

Most people came across me when I wrote the post about how I quickly manifested my SP back. you too can do it just as fast. If I am being completely honest, when I read that post back, it actually makes me cringe. Yes, cringe because I can literally hear the desperation in my voice to get him back. Even though, I did manage to manifest my SP back by affirming for him and a perfect relationship. What has kept him in my life and our relationship strong and growing day by day is my strong self-love and me continuously working on improving myself.

I don’t talk much about my relationship with my SP but that’s because he is no longer the focal point in my life. Yes, I am grateful to have him and a wonderful relationship, but I no longer feel the need for attachment and validation from him. Whether he loves me or not, isn’t the deciding factor of my own self-worth. There is much more to me than being with my SP. I am a daughter, a sister, an aunty, a friend, a successful professional, there is so much more to my life than that one relationship that was consuming my life and mind. He is simply a companion; I choose to share my life with. Yes, I choose not to beg, or ask of him.  Also, because I no longer have that attachment or should I say desperation to be with him, even if our relationship was to ever end. I doubt I would ever try to manifest him back because I have done so much work on myself now, that I know what I am worthy of and what I deserve. I know I am amazing, and I’ll always attract into my life what is best for me.

Normally when we want something so badly it’s because we are in the scarcity mindset. We fear if we lose this person or job then we might not get another opportunity. Ask yourself honesty why do you want a particular SP, job, house etc… is it because you truly want that or are you actually scared if it goes you won’t find another better alternative.

5 thoughts on “You don’t get what you want but you get what you think you deserve.

  1. I just thought about this a while ago. I live in an asian country and we have a tradition to do what so called “good deeds” to “buy” our wish. For example street feeding for animals, or donating free foods for people in the street, or just merely helping someone with something. After that we make a wish. “May the good things I’ve done bear a good fruit which is … (insert your wish)”.

    Now after reading this, doing altruism make you feel good and make you thing you DESERVE your wishes. Now this tradition makes more sense. And turned out I just realized that it’s just a method for manifesting.

    I’ve been having some resistance lately as well. I became lazy as “if i’d really want it, i can manifest it later.” And after a while, when trying to manifest something, i thought “how if it’s not working and i lost faith in manifesting despite having a lot of success stories before”. So I came here to re read the blog to re-assure myself 🥺


  2. Hi Sia! Why does it take some people years to get their manifestation in your opinion? I get triggered when people post it’s been XX amount of time and I don’t have what I have been manifesting. Thank you


    1. Hi Laura, in my experience the reason people don’t get their manifestation is because they don’t stay faithful to their imagined act. Instead they will affirm and meditate for the desired end but when they are not doing the techniques their thoughts go completely against their desires, they react to the 3D instead of remaining faithful to the 4D “it’s done”. That is why mental diet is so important to ensure you always remain positive and stay in the desired end. Every time your mind tries to go against what you want, you have to redirect it.


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